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The Bill Smarme School of
Dance, Acting, Music & Performance
The Bill Smarme Way

“Be CAMP with DAMP”

Do you love to dance but keep falling over ?
Do you fancy being an actor but people tell you you’re crap ?
Would you like to sing but you’re tone deaf ?
Do you see performance artists as a bunch of egocentric tossers ?

If you’ve answered “no” to only one of these questions, what you need is DAMP.
Check out these testimonies –

“My singing used to drive the neighbours mad, but since I joined DAMP they’ve moved out so that’s a result as far as I’m concerned.” Dave Plumage, Midsomer Norton.

“I couldn’t dance for toffee but now I’m a bit better after going to DAMP.”  Rosie Tonnage, Southdown.

“Yes I did think performance art was a load of old bollocks but since I’ve been doing it myself I’ve got married.”  Jeff Plonker, Lansdown Racecourse.

“I’ve learnt to play a couple of bars of Moonlight Sonatal in little under 15 weeks after learning music the DAMP way. I really like cheese and onion crisps.” Elvis Thompson-Braithwaite, Graceland, Mablethorpe.

Yes, hard to believe isn’t it ? – And yet it’s all true. – You too can be a singer, dancer, actor or any other kind of self-centred person who all your friends around you will admire and probably want to buy you unlimited amounts of beer, chips, etc.

Classes are held in the lounge bar of me boozer The Smarme’s Arms in Twerton (Rapidly becoming the West Country’s very own Hollywood). Courses take only a couple of hours, after which you will be gob-smacked with the results. Just turn up on a Tuesday night, and after we’ve downed a couple of bevvies, we’ll go for it.
Don’t forget to bring a backing tape……oh, and something to play it on just in case.

This fantastic opportunity costs only £200 for blokes or £20 for women (cash only please) per session for this chance of a lifetime.

Remember, the DAMP experience will change your
life or my name’s not Bill Smarme (OBO, MAIME).

Yes, you can “Be CAMP with DAMP”

(If anyone can think of a better slogan, let I know.)

spare a dubloon mate (2)

Here I am with a recent graduate